Shove Your Plastic Water Bottle Up Your Ass

Environment

Shove Your Plastic Water Bottle Up Your Ass

Plastic water bottles are everywhere and I hate them. They’re in the oceans. They wash up on shore. People drop them on hiking trails and they end up thrown away instead of recycled.

If ONLY we recycled every bottle, then this wouldn’t be a problem. Right?!

Wrong.

Recycling is a myth. It’s a way to make us feel good about “saving the Earth,” when instead we’re just greenwashing the problem.

Over 480 billion water bottles are produced every year and less than 9% of those (about 43.2 million) get recycled. Where does the rest go? In landfills or littered around.

What a crock of shit.

We don’t deserve the earth, we really don’t. I wrote a while ago that:

We’re like a bunch of teenagers wrecking our rooms and sleeping in our filth until we wake up one day and realize it’s too late. We missed the bus or the house is burning down and we can’t get out.

There’s so much plastic shit everywhere! My partner and I spent 5 minutes at a local beach and picked up this garbage.

It’s insane. Fucking insane and we have to stop.

Fucking Peter Brabeck-Letmathe, a former chairman and CEO of Nestlé said that water as a human right is “extreme.”

What the fuck does that mean? Is breathing an extreme human right too? What about food? Shelter?

Nope, those assbags want to sell you water and make a portion of those 480 billion water bottles. All in the name of maximizing shareholder’s wealth. Fuck all if the world burns, we made our money.

So how do we fix this? How do we become better stewards of the earth and keep our convenience?

The way is through a water bottle tax, not a tax born by the buyer but by the seller.

If you’re a corporation that makes plastic water bottles you should be taxed 90% across the board if you can’t guarantee that 95% of your water bottles will be recycled.

Anything less than that and water bottles will get shoved up the asses of all the executives. This will be broadcast on live TV for the world to see.

If we pass a law like that, suddenly we’ll see all the private water filling stations pop up everywhere. Imagine branded water filling stations everywhere that’ll cost you $3.99 to fill up.

Pay, you say? Yes, they’ll want to charge you for living because water as a human right is “extreme”.

The way out of this mess is simple when you realize that recycling is a myth.

Stop buying water in plastic bottles and bring your own refillable water bottle.

Then fill it up with water. Add ice cubes and lemon if you want, and carry it with you.

For extra points, organize people where you live to support the construction of public water-filling stations in your neighborhood.

And finally, save any plastic bottles you find to shove up an executive’s ass.

I opened up my Instagram, restarted my Medium, and republished my Website again. Start following me, it’ll make you feel better.